Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Heavy Hearted..

As I start this new year and look forward to all the exciting things in store for me and my growing family I cannot help but feel saddened by the people that are no longer here to enjoy it with me.

7 years ago I lost the most important role model in my life. My sweet grandmother was strong for soo long in her battle with cancer, but even the strong cannot outlive such a violent condition. She was my rock, my inspiration, and the one true person I knew I could go to with anything. I was just going into my senior year of High School when this tragedy struck. I was a 16 year old girl lost without direction or hope.

Now as a 23 year old mother to be I often wonder what she would think of me. How would she feel about the decisions I have made and would she be proud of the person I have become? To see her beaming face the day they called my name as Valedictorian of my senior class. To watch her pride as I walked across the stage in that stadium full of people the day I graduated college. To hear her tell me how proud of me she was when I got the keys to our new home. I would give anything to see her hold my babies and tell me how beautiful they are. Just to spend one day or even an hour to get her opinion of my life.

As I get ready to bring another life into this world I cannot help but wish she was here to hold her great-granddaughter and see her radiating with joy at the newborns face. My heart breaks in longing, but I know she is in a better place away from all of her pain and suffering. I know she is looking down on us always and smiling at all the accomplishments in our lives. I know she would be proud.

Shortly after loosing my grandmother in 2006 I lost my aunt as well. And not longer after my aunt passed my cousin was involved in a horrible car wreck that took his life. Loosing so many close family members in such a short period took a toll on my family. I wonder how things would be different if they were all here today? Would mine and my cousins kids grow up together and spend every weekend at mamaws like we used to? Would every holiday be a week long trip to mamaws so we could spend extra time with family? I know God has a plan for each of our lives and I will let him lead the way. I am trying to keep my head up and remember all the good memories to share with my children when they are older.

Let's embrace the New Year and all the new things coming our way and remember the good times with those who are no longer here.

1 comment:

  1. I was close to my grandparents as well and often wonder what they would think of my husband and how they would spoil my son with love the way they did me.

    Let's cherish every moment we spend with those who are still here.

    A safe, happy and prosperous new year to you and to all you love!